LA Weekly published their list of the Top 10 Classic Rock Douchebags this week and although we agree with most of the candidates, we question the credibility of any music journalist who carelessly uses the misnomer of classic rock, especially when used preceding the adolescent term, “douchebag”.
According to the article, the one attribute that all candidates share was their ability to have “screwed up rock n’ roll, big time”. What is really interesting to The ‘Snobs is that 9 of the Top 10 were all firmly rooted in the 60’s. 5 of the Top 10 are still lauded as icons, and counter-culture heroes.
The Snobs took the liberty to immediately deduct on these simple facts that the whole 60’s, hippy thing was a worthless sham. Yes, that means if you worship these crusty anti-war, anti-establishment heroes, chances are your idol has qualified for one of rock’s top douchebags. Enough of our take, let’s see who LA Weekly chose!
Freebasing meisterdeadhead Jerry Garcia pulled up the rear, in last lace. Don’t know much about his qualifications as “douchebag”, but we would wholeheartedly say that he was useless. Never got the ‘Dead, and if being a counterculture rebel gets you an ice cream named after you…well, kinda sums it up don’t it? Bob Dylan makes #9 almost based purely on him being a plagiarist. They used Joni Mitchell’s quote of Dylan being a fake to put it all in concrete. John Fogerty gets #8. We have no problem with John, although he could improve his taste in casual shirts. Lou Reed is labeled as a “chronic dullard” and takes the number seven position. The ‘Snobs agree that Lou may be an acquired taste, but for all his depressive moaning, he did find some happiness with his late wife Laurie Anderson. As for the Velvets, completely overrated. David Crosby…what the…he gets #6. Who cares about him anyway?
The Top five has some really big contenders, surely to incite countless debates. The Boss, Brooooce, or Mr. Sprinsteen, sits in at fifth place. He gets tagged as a “lifeless groaner” that is “overheated and overinflated”. We think Prefab Sprout summed up Bruce best with their fantastic “Cars & Girls”. (His Jersey obsession is no worse than The Kink’s overt Englishness though-both should be dispersed in small quantities).
No arguing the fact that John Lennon made the list. We could not agree more with the sentiment of him being “a second-rate pop hack”. He received his carte-blanch iconic status the day he was gunned down in NYC. Had he lived out his days, no doubt he would have proved to be quite an embarrassment. The author should have looked a bit closer at his lyrics too, which are appalling with his petty rhyme schemes. The ‘Snobs are surprised he only placed fourth, and not be higher up. Phil Spector pulls in at #3 and Carlos Santana one spot closer. Both are a complete waste of time.
The crown goes to Frank Zappa for being the ultimate classic rock douchebag. Aside from his experimental non-rock and roll he peddled, the author was quite clear stating, “Zappa was really just an overstimulated, unfocused megalomaniac who wanted to come off as smarter than you.” His elitism makes him king of the A-holes.
Once again, it is safe to say that your anti-war, anti-government hero is nothing more than a smug, self-serving douche.